I went through a septic shock that stemmed from a mastitis in 2019. I was hospitalized in the ICU for 6 days and I went home as soon as I was discharged. My participation in the Photovoice study took place 3 years after my hospitalization and I am very grateful to have experienced it. It gave me a new outlook on what I went through and facilitated the healing process. I met extraordinary survivors and facilitators that created a safe and nurturing environment of exchange and compassion.
What was it like going from hospital back to home?
Beam of Hope
Initially, I planned to share a picture of our Christmas tree and its ornaments, symbolizing the homecoming and gratitude I felt being surrounded by loved ones. However, during a drive around the lake, I witnessed a remarkable crepuscular sunset with a beam of light reaching towards the sky.
It reminded me that my experiences, including my time in the ICU, have led me to beautiful moments and self-discovery. The picture also represents the obstacles I still faced upon returning home, but the beam of light served as a mental reminder to persevere. In addition, I felt alone during my recovery despite the support from family and nutrition, and three months later, I experienced a post-ICU episode, highlighting the facade of strength I portrayed while dealing with my challenges.
Nourishing My Recovery
In my picture, I focused on a close-up of my Tupperwares, symbolizing the importance of nourishment and organization in my recovery.
As a dietician, having filled Tupperwares with food is essential to me. However, after returning from the ICU, I struggled with organization and nourishment myself. This made me reflect on the challenges many people face in accessing nourishing meals and support during their recovery. It inspired me to overcome my own appetite issues and motivated me to become a patient partner, working on nutrition and sepsis, and creating tools to assist survivors with their diets. Nutrition plays a vital role in post-ICU recovery, and my experience highlighted its significance.
What did you need at home to facilitate your recovery?
Ground Zero
This picture represents my couch, which played a significant role in my recovery journey after experiencing septic shock.
It became the central hub where I spent my days, taking care of my young child, resting, and receiving support from loved ones. Memories of that time flood back when I look at this picture, and I feel grateful for the comfort it provided. Additionally, the couch became a symbol of my determination to regain my strength and achieve my goal of surfing again.
Through daily steps, proper nutrition, and asking for help, I eventually accomplished my dream, which was visualized and imagined during my time on the couch.
Hiatus
This apron holds symbolic meaning for me, representing a pivotal moment in my recovery journey.
After a period of progress and resuming my daily responsibilities, exhaustion and emotions caught up with me, leading to a traumatic panic attack three months later. Recognizing the need for space and clarity, I took a trip to Vancouver, bringing my baby with me. This time away allowed me to reflect, reassess my priorities, and make important changes in my life, including reevaluating friendships and focusing on my health and family.
Hitting rock bottom physically and mentally ultimately led me to emerge stronger and more aligned.
How did the experience affect your mental and emotional health?
Moving Forward
This picture, taken a year after my septic shock episode, signifies the profound transformation I experienced. It symbolizes my rebirth and the clarity I gained in understanding what truly mattered in my life.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I focused on filling my own cup so that I could help others and take care of my family. It was a pivotal moment where everything became clear, and I embraced my role as a patient partner and volunteered to support others.
Despite the challenging experience, I emerged stronger, enlightened, and committed to moving forward without looking back.
Sunshine on a Cloudy Day
This picture captures a typical day in the mountains, but what stands out is the snowmaking, which is unusual to see during daylight hours. It reminded me of my post-ICU experience and how it reflects my journey.
Growing up, my brother and I used to ski together on this mountain, but he had a severe accident and has since moved nearby. Going up the mountain represents moving forward and leaving the past behind, but sometimes circumstances bring us back down, triggering moments of disbelief or panic.
However, the overall message is that this is just a part of life, and I have the choice to keep moving forward, unaffected by the challenges I’ve faced.
How has this experience shaped your life?
Wisdom
In this picture, taken two years after my brother’s ICU experience, there is a filter that gives it a painterly quality. It reflects the journey I went through during that time, facing challenges with nutrition and ultimately finding my way.
Looking into my eyes, there is a sense of wisdom and depth that comes from overcoming difficult experiences. I see it as a representation of how I interpret and live my own reality, embracing the best version of myself and finding happiness within, regardless of others’ opinions.
It signifies my personal growth and where I am now in my journey.
What is important for others to understand about life after a critical illness?
Leaning Into the Unknown
This picture captures my eldest daughter skiing on a volcano at Mount Hood, Oregon. She embodies bravery and serves as a reminder for me to be the best version of myself, especially as a mother inspiring her daughters. Through her competitive skiing, I am able to share the lessons from my own life and witness her fearlessness.
The image symbolizes life after the ICU, where each gate represents a new challenge, and she confidently leans into them while the gates adjust to her stance. It reminds me to trust the process and embrace the fearlessness as we navigate from one challenge to the next.
